And so I say

When we are dependent on the person with whom we are in conflict, both need and conflict are compounded. Love-hate overreactions, fight-or-flight tendencies, withdrawal, aggressiveness, bitterness, resentment and cold competition are some of the usual results. When this occure, we tend to fall even further back on background tendencies and habits in an effort to justify and defend our own behaviour and we attack our spouse's.

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Inevitably, anytime we are too vulnerable, we feel the need to protect ourselves from further wounds. So we resort to sarcasm, cutting humor, criticism - anything that will keep from exposing the tenderness within. Each partner tends to wait on the initiative of the other for love, only to be disappointed but also confirmed as to the rightness of the accusations made.

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There is only phantom security in such a relationship when all appears to be going well. Guidance is based on the emotion of the moment. Wisdom and power are lost in the counterdependant negative interactions

Steven Covey - The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People